


Blood in the Water

by MoonlightBreeze



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Alec Lightwood, I do NOT give him the nice things, I don't give him that either, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, mentions of offscreen drug use/addiction, no beta we die like men, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 16:55:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze
Summary: Canon-divergent AU where Isabelle dies as a result of her vampire venom addiction. Alec takes her death hard, to say the least.Warnings for major character death, self-harm, self-esteem/self-worth issues, no happy ending, and implied suicide. Please keep yourselves safe! <3
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Maryse Lightwood & Jace Wayland
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	Blood in the Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I don't really have an explanation for this fic other than me transferring my own feelings onto Alec yet again, so...enjoy? I swear the MCD wasn't planned, but to be honest, writing MCD is my go-to when I've had a really bad day so I can't say I was surprised. I apologise for the state of your hearts after this, oops. 
> 
> Warnings for major character death (Isabelle and Alec), no happy ending, self-harm, self-esteem/self-worth issues, and implied suicide. Please keep your lovely selves safe! <3
> 
> Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Alec couldn’t feel his next punch. It was like he was dreaming, like he was watching someone else’s life instead of his own. He heard the blood spatter, saw the impact, but the pain of the hit never reached him. It was replaced with the same empty feeling he’d been fighting all day, the one that refused to leave no matter how much physical pain he put his body through to try and forget about it. His mind was worlds away from torn knuckles and poor coping mechanisms - his mind was with Isabelle, who was lying in the morgue downstairs, just as empty and lifeless as Alec felt. He’d sworn that he would always protect her. Alec growled and threw another punch. 

He was halfway through landing another stinging hit when Jace walked in, leaning against the wall opposite Alec’s punching bag and regarding his brother with a critical look. “What?” Alec growled, without turning around. 

“Nothing, I’m just wondering when you’re going to stop beating yourself up and start pulling yourself together,” Jace said. His words were harsh, but they both knew that was the only thing Alec would listen to. If he had tried to be soft, understanding, caring - it would’ve been a one-way ticket out of the training room for the rest of the night. 

“Leave me alone, Jace,” Alec replied, throwing another punch and watching with satisfaction as it left a bloody smear on the bag. 

“No,” Jace said simply. He didn’t elaborate, but he didn’t need to; Alec got the message loud and clear. He wasn’t leaving. 

Still, Alec persisted, wondering if he could get away with saying that he was just training to let off some steam. He doubted it. Jace knew him well enough to know that Alec’s version of training usually ended bloody and gave him more bruises than he’d get dispatching a demon in the field. 

“I’m just training,” Alec said roughly, resting his forehead against the bag. “I need to work on my hand-to-hand.”

“Okay,” Jace said, and he leaned forward, his eyes burning holes into Alec’s back. “Let’s spar, then.”

Alec clenched his jaw, growling something incoherent at Jace. Jace, to his benefit, looked utterly unbothered by his brother’s aggression. He didn’t move from his position against the wall. His arms were crossed over his chest defensively, but Alec knew it was an act. Jace was hurting, too. Alec swallowed hard. God, he was fucking selfish. She was Jace’s sister, too. 

“How are you doing?” Alec asked, lifting his gaze to meet Jace’s eyes. He moved his hands behind his back, hiding the worst of the damage from his parabatai. 

“How do you think?” Jace replied sharply. Alec winced. Right. Stupid question. 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yeah, stop,” Jace replied swiftly, without missing a beat. There was something raw and almost vulnerable in his voice now, and it made Alec want to punch something again. “Put that shit away and come back to the ops center with me.” Jace sighed, dropping his arms and letting a little of his exhaustion show on his face. “I won’t make you heal your hands, but you’ve got to stop.” His golden eyes glittered with unshed tears. 

Alec bristled. “And if I don’t?”

“Then I lose two people I love instead of one!” Jace snapped, his voice breaking on the last syllable. 

Alec recoiled as if he’d been struck, backing up a step from where Jace was standing. He wasn’t afraid - not of Jace. But he _was_ afraid of what Jace had said, what he had _insinuated_ , because it was the very same thing that had crossed his own mind more than once since they’d found Izzy’s body. 

Alec’s entire purpose, his reason for being alive, was to keep the people he loved safe. It was his _job_ to keep them safe, and instead of protecting her, Alec had turned a blind eye to Izzy’s pain when she needed him the most. He had all but sent her to that vampire’s den, all but _let_ her die. He should have noticed, should have realised she was using yin fen before it even got to this point, should have _done something_. 

Alec closed his eyes against the onslaught of memories - finding her body, the way Jace had cried and screamed and begged a God that Alec was sure didn’t listen anymore to bring his little sister back. Her skin, pale as porcelain and cold to the touch. Her lips and fingernails, blue from lack of oxygen. Her mascara, ruined from the tears that had fallen before she died. And her eyes, the big brown eyes that had always been full of warmth and love for everyone around her when she was alive - dull, faded, and lifeless. 

It was Alec’s job to protect her, and instead, he had let her die, afraid and alone, crying for someone to hear her and help her, in a vampire’s den on a venom high. 

Jace didn’t understand. Jace would _never_ understand. Alec had failed, and he knew he couldn’t make the same mistake again. He _wouldn’t_. He had to resign, at the very least. He wasn’t good enough to do this, to be their protector. A Head of Institute should be unbreakable, infallible, a leader that their people could look up to and depend on. Alec wasn’t a leader, at least not any kind of leader that they needed or wanted. 

And if he wasn’t a leader, and he had failed at being a big brother, then there wasn’t much left to hold onto. 

“Alec? Alec, where are you? Alexander!” His mother’s voice snapped Alec out of his thoughts and he straightened up, twisting his hands together behind his back and stepping in front of the punching bag to conceal the damage from Maryse. 

“In here!” he called. 

“There you are!” Maryse exclaimed when she reached the training room, her gaze sliding over Alec like she was looking right through him. “I’ve been looking for you for thirty minutes. You’re needed for patrol.” 

Alec took a deep breath, trying to fight down the panic that rose swiftly in his throat at her words. He couldn’t go on _patrol!_ He would get someone killed! 

“Mom, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for Alec to - ” Jace started, but Maryse cut him off with a stern look. 

“This isn’t up for debate.”

“It’s fine, Jace,” Alec mumbled. “I’ll go.” He took a deep breath and pushed past his mother and parabatai, making his way out of the training room. He intended to head for the ops center right away, but something made him hesitate, waiting by the door. 

“How could you do that to Alec, Mom?! He’s grieving! Isabelle died three hours ago!” Jace sounded indignant, but it was more than that; Alec could feel the hurt radiating off of him in waves. He wasn’t used to Maryse’s crueler side. 

Maryse made a soft noise in the back of her throat and reached for Jace, folding him into her arms. Alec could hear him protesting, but he knew Maryse would win in the end. She was every bit as stubborn as Isabelle, and she always got her way. 

Sure enough, after a few seconds of struggling, Jace gave in and allowed himself to melt into her embrace. Alec watched, ignoring the tight feeling of jealousy in his chest, as Maryse leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Jace’s forehead. 

“Oh, baby,” she murmured. “I know you’re hurting.” Jace hummed in response, resting his head on her shoulder. Alec dug a nail into the broken skin of his knuckles, trying to ignore the well of hurt that had opened up in his chest. He knew he should be happy that Jace was accepting comfort, letting someone in, but he couldn’t help feeling betrayed that it wasn’t him. 

“Alec isn’t like you,” Maryse said, and Alec clenched his jaw, wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean. “He understands things, in a way that you and Isabelle never did.” Jace opened his mouth to say something, but Maryse held up her hand, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m not saying it as a bad thing. You’re just different, that’s all. You’re different people, Jace. Alec is a leader. You and Isabelle are soldiers. Alec understands that sometimes soldiers die in war.” 

Alec felt tears burn the backs of his eyelids at that, and he clenched his hands into fists, struggling to keep quiet. Jace and Isabelle _were_ soldiers, he realised; his mother was right. They were child soldiers trained to fight the Clave’s losing battle, told by all that they were to follow orders without question, and brought up to take pride and pleasure in killing something.

Alec wasn’t a leader. Maybe Maryse thought he was. Maybe everyone else did, too. But he _wasn’t_. He had let his little sister die. He had failed at the one job he’d always had, and now, he wasn’t so sure he hadn’t been failing all along and just hadn’t seen it until now. He wasn’t a leader. And he knew exactly how to prove it, to everyone, once and for all. 

His mother was right; sometimes soldiers _did_ die in war. And Alec, despite anyone else’s beliefs about it, was a soldier, too. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Stalk me on Tumblr](https://moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts are open!
> 
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